OK, so I have talked about living in the modern Office before, but this is getting out of hand.
In our move to be more employee friendly we have had a series of Human Resource (HR) initiatives. these have been from the slightly odd to the down-right scary. The sad thing is that I am sure it comes from a place of best hope and wishes...OK I know better than that. It comes from internal surveys that measure employee satisfaction.
About 6 months ago we received the results of our Employee Satisfaction survey and, big surprise, it was low...really low. So low that we had to do something.
First blame HR. Check. Second ignore the horrible raises and oppressive time lines. Double check. Third, get some slogans. Triple check! Fine, then the beatings will continue until the moral improves.
So here are some of the "improvements" that have been made recently:
- Hire a VP of HR - Especially get someone that doesn't understand out culture, but tries to be Hip by mis-using phrases and terms. Like, "Hey you are all into music so we should have a Square Dance!" And when you mention, for us, this is , well, stupid, you should be called out as a "wet blanket"
- Change the name of HR to People Services - Um...OK!
- Mandatory All-Company Meetings - Not a bad idea, but don't need a 45 min meeting to discuss when we should have a bake sale
- Ignore all of the data from the survey - Even though the survey said in big 74 point type that people were frustrated with the pay scale, keep saying, "that is a symptom, not the root cause!
- Use more Politically Correct Language! - When people are fired, they are now called "Alumni" What did they graduate??? When can I!
Anywho, I am sure that if I whine about it I'll just end up a, wet-blanket-alumni! Can't wait until the next survey. I am going to ask for a Pony, and hope for an Ice machine!